Witch, Please
Dear Barb, Why does scissoring feel like witchcraft and will I ever get good at it? My hands cramp, my lines are wonky, and I swear my shears are plotting against me. Please tell me if this gets better!
Dear Sore-Handed Sorceress,
Welcome to the coven! You’re not wrong – scissoring is witchcraft. Only instead of a wand, we’re wielding 7-inch scissors and muttering a string of curse words rather than spells under our breath.
After all, it was the Wicked Witch of the West who famously said “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!” - I like to think she was referencing a flawlessly scissored haircut rather than anything more sinister.
Here is the secret: every groomer who makes scissoring look easy has unintentionally oiled their 8-inch straights with their own tears somewhere along the way. They’re not magicians, witches or warlocks, their dog groomers. Dog groomers who put in the hours and stuck with it long enough to produce the pizzazz you see before you.
Not unlike me and my Jazzercise classes. I may have looked like I had two left feet when I started, but I trained my mind and my muscles and now my gal pal Bev and I are the reigning over 55 regional champs - what did I tell you… Pizzazz!
Sorry for the slight detour but my point is, that these things take time, and a lot of it. Because it’s not just about the scissoring skills. It’s about:
- Training your eye to see unevenness on a moving target.
- Learning how to angle your shears just so, to catch that one annoying tuft that somehow defies gravity
- Or controlling tension whilst holding a dog who thinks they're competing against regional champs Bev and Barb in Jazzercise - sorry, still proud.
And yes, it’s often said ‘A poor workman (or workwoman) blames his tools’, but if your shears are struggling through coat or making your hands bark before 10am, it’s not you - it's them. Quality shears and regular sharpening are non-negotiables.
Here is what helped me:
Practice on everything! Sit in front of the telly and scissor the air, grab yourself a model dog, trim your partner's hair. Grab a back-up pair of scissors and have a go at a towel or a stuffed toy. Building strength and muscle memory is everything when it comes to scissoring.
Record your grooms. This one isn’t as fun but studying your after photos will help you find areas for improvement - But make sure you’re also giving yourself room to identify what you liked most and where your strengths are too!
Slow down. The Hare came after the Tortoise and speed comes after technique. Think smooth and safe.
You will get good at scissoring. Not overnight. Not even next month. But one day you’ll be snipping away mid-convo with your co-worker and you’ll realise… hey, this feels easy now - and you won’t have to go to Hogwarts to do it.
Until then, welcome to the scissor-struggle. You’re not the first here, you won’t be the last, and you’re definitely not alone.
With love, jazz-hands and a spritz of scissoring spray,
Barb-bye!
