Anatomy Quackery
Dear Barb,
Everyone keeps telling me anatomy matters, but I’m a groomer, not a vet. Do I really need to know all this bone stuff, or can I just make the dog look good and move on?
Dear Skeletal Skeptic,
Oh honey! If making dogs “look good” was the whole job, we’d all be finished by lunch and drinking Aperols by two.
Anatomy is not about showing off words like occiput at dinner parties. It’s about why that dog just looks a bit ‘off’, and why no amount of fluffing is fixing it.
Ever notice how a dog looks completely different once they’re wet? That’s the coat stepping aside and letting the truth out. Suddenly you’re looking at narrow bits, wide bits, shoulders that live slightly too far back, and a rib cage that’s absolutely running the show. That’s not bad grooming. That’s biology and physics.
Puppies are basically held together with optimism. Nothing lines up, everything wobbles, and they sit like they’ve just heard shocking news. Their bones aren’t even finished negotiating with each other yet, which is why asking for symmetry is wildly optimistic.
Then there are seniors. Stiff here, sore there, carrying an injury from 2009 backyard Ashes test that you were never consulted on. You can’t see it, but you can absolutely feel it the moment you try to move a leg that has filed a formal complaint.
And then there’s everyone else. The everyday dogs. The ones you groom week in, week out. Slightly narrow fronts. Rib cages that sit a touch back. Rears that don’t quite match the front. A touch cow-hocked. A set of Queen Anne legs doing their own elegant little thing. Nothing dramatic, nothing “wrong”, just the normal collection of quirks that real dogs come with.
This is where anatomy quietly helps you look clever. Leaving hair where it creates balance, taking it where it exaggerates things, and knowing when a small adjustment will make a dog look more put together without anyone ever knowing why. Good clipping and scissoring can disguise a lot, as long as you’re working with what’s there rather than wishing it were something else.
Most dogs don’t need perfection. They just need someone who knows how to make the best of what they’ve got.
So yes, have a proper look at them in the bath. Clock the skeleton. File it away. Then fluff dry like a lunatic and scissor with intention, not hope.
The coat lies. Bones do not. Ask me how I know.
With love and a perfectly balanced rear,
Barb-bye!
